One to Forgive...John

Parker's dad? I would love to say he's some amazing guy who like died fighting for our country or something but that would be a lie (and I couldn't be that lucky)...No unfortunatley he is a big time loser who hasn't had anything to do with his son in over 2 years...I met John in 2003 through some mutual friends of my parents...He was 9 years older then me and said the right things..I guess I was at a point in my life where I needed to here things like "You're beautiful" and stuff...or so I thought...Well everything was great to begin with and he charmed me into believing many, many things...After a few weeks it started to not feel right but I stuck with it because if you know me you know I don't give up on anything..In hindsight (which as they always say is 20/20) he was a lying, coniving theif...Some how I always ended paying for things..Like the weekend we went to the mountains in Tenessee for my birthday...Happy Birthday to me...I paid for the gas, the food, the hotel and mysteriously the souveniers from the Indian reservation...Well things only went down hill from there.. He would dissapear for days at a time with no call or anything..And my stupid ass (I can say that since it's me I'm talking about...LOL) would sit around and wait for him to come home or call me...Little did I know he was running around on me half the time and the other half he was spending with the children (3 girls) from his previous relationship (a woman who he claimed to despise)...He admitted to be married and divorced twice before...There were other things but they're not worth getting into to..He also became increasing abusive to me...Not physically (been there done that...knew better) but emotionally/mentally...He would make me believe I wasn't good enough for anyone else... He was horrible to me...But yet I stayed...Well the last straw came in January 2004 (we started dating in August)...He asked to borrow $40 from me and once again I agreed because for some reason I just couldn't leave.. Well that night (we did everything at night) we went to the gas station to get the cash..Well I was in my pajamas and of course he wasn't letting me out of the truck like that so he took my ATM card and my pin and proceeded to go get the money...Well he somehow didn't get a receipt...The next morning something told me to check my balance...He had not only take the $40 (in the first transaction) but he then took another $100 in a second...To this day he denies stealing from me...Well I'd had enough and finally gave up... And then Parker came along...about 2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant...When I told him he made me take a test with him present (like I would lie about that) and then he disappeared..I spent 9 very long months alone... I went to Dr's appointments alone, found out the sex of my baby alone..Everything I did on my own two feet...And you know what it made me stronger...When it got close to my due date I tried for weeks to reach him and mysteriously noone knew where he was...Well he finally called about a week before Parker was due and gave a number to reach him at...I called the morning I went into labor around 3am and he didn't show up at the hospital until 9am...He told me he had to make sure his ex's girls got off to school okay...Well I ended up having an emergency C Section and being the bigger person that I try to be I let him be in the operating room with me...He cut the umbilical cord, video taped the birth, everything...But then he was gone and spent the remaining 3 days alone..again (I'm really starting to feel you on the whole ALONE thing)...For the next year of Parker's life I tried to mend our broken relationship for the sake of our son...But after a year I had had enough..The abuse got even worse to the point where I was a nervous wreck ALL of the time..If I left the house without my cell phone I'd have to go back and get it because if he called and I didn't answer I would have to answer for it later and that was NEVER pretty...I wouldn't eat and it was not only affecting me but it affected my son...and that is where I finally said enough is enough...By the end of the year we were not speaking much but I still let him see his son...I didn't believe in taking his son from him just because we weren't together...Then in April of 2006 he saw Parker for the last time...We got into it and he tried to snatch my son out of my truck..Later that month he called and asked to give up his rigths... I refused to draw up papers and we left it at that...He swore that I had taken his son from him and convinced his mother of the same..Later that year in July he called and asked to see his son but come to find out he really just wanted to see me... He never ever made it about Parker..and that was the problem...Well since that day in July 06 we have not seen or heard from him...And believe me we are so much better off that way..Parker simply tells people he doesn't have a Daddy right now and he's perfectly content with that...I have considered taking his rights away so that some day when I am married Parker could possibly be adopted if he wanted to but out of fear of him I don't...To this day I watch my back...I don't think he would really do anything but you can never be sure...He has never paid child support and I have never taken him to court for it again out of fear of him... I know in my heart I did the right thing and my son is better off for it but it's hard on Fathers Day and other times when a little boy needs his dad...So that's the story...I know that was a lot to share with you but I felt that by knowing the whole story that you might understand who I am and what makes me that way...